cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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