i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
