I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
