I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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