meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
