what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
