I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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