Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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