Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
