She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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