Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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