I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
