This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
