Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
