this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
