i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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