This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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