At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
