He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You were trust falling into bushes
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
