I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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