The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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