no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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