Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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