She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
