you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
