If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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