haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
