I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize