I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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