He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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