I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
