I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
