you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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