She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
