So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
