btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
