Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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