Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
