After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
