flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
