How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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