I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
