ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
