You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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