I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
