nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
