just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
