I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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