i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Randomize
