i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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