no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
