maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
