what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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