the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
