It was confusing and full of hummus
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize