Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
