My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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