How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
