Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
