I'm sorry my penis didn't work
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
