I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
