I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
