He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
