Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize