idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
