She's like a pop up book from hell.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
