if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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