his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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